Vol. 4, Issue 14

Opinion: Open Minds Exchange: Ending the Relationship Battle
Rachel K. Edmonds and J.M. Harrell 09.JUL.09

Imagine if all that we thought to be true was just an illusion created by our conditioned sense of self and reality, a result conveyed by our biological responses as our brain’s neurotransmitters dictate our emotional responses, a chemically induced web of tissue and cells. Where the patterns of chemical addiction, mental illness, cognition and memory lie, the neural pathways make reality, which appear to reflect our beliefs and are hard to change as habits and perceptions become hard-wired.

Light, sound, taste, touch and smell are converted from their original states into electrical signals for our brain/body to process and interpret. This is the first dynamic piece to the function of thought and in determining how we relate to anything or anyone. We store this experience within us as memories, or more specifically, our reality. For a more in-depth view of holographic reflections and relationship, pick up a copy of Michael Talbot’s, The Holographic Universe.

In this brief article, we are not referring to relationship in its typical sense of intimate or familial connection, rather the behavior or feeling toward someone else, as defined by Encarta. We are going to delve into what experimental psychology and Eastern philosophy defines as relationship, which offers perspectives on the role biology plays and how thought creates our understanding of what relationship means to self and the other person. Granted, it is yet another theory attempting to describe the experience we call “life”; however, it does offer great truth and insight.

These theories combined explain the creation of identity and memory. Consequently, relationship dynamics as a system are in need of new healing modalities. If we are the sum of our beliefs and physiology, then we develop relationships out of such beliefs and physical stimuli. Therefore, we primarily see the world through these limitations, not the world as it is without them.

According to Jiddu Krishnamurti, “Relationship between human beings is based on the image-forming, defensive mechanism. In all our relationships each one of us builds an image about the other and these two images have relationship, not the human beings themselves.” During adolescence, our identities are not formed in isolation but through and in relationships, which lay the groundwork to how one evolves and consequently involves self with external reality.

Children develop relationships with both animate and inanimate objects. In fact, adults do not outgrow this type of imaginative dialogue.

Regarding relational involvement within the following frameworks, subject/object, self/other, internal/external, spiritual/physical, emotion/logic and perception/illusion, Krishnamurti elaborates further by stating, “Relationship based on these images can obviously never bring about peace in the relationship because the images are fictitious and one cannot live in an abstraction. And yet that is what we are all doing: living in ideas, in theories, in symbols, in images which we have created about ourselves and others and which are not realities at all.”

Furthermore, we are not firstly in relationship with others but with these images and ourselves. Because we do not see the world free from the limits of our beliefs and judgments, we are confined to just that, a concept of this world, this realm. Like our senses, which filter information, our thoughts and beliefs act as mental conjurations. We do not ever really know those of whom we are in a relationship with; we only know our perception of them and they us.

Holographic Re-Patterning, Dynamic Systems Healing and cognitive therapy are fields of study to start learning about. It is not so much about changing the other as it is changing one’s behavioral and emotional response, to be aware of triggers by the reflection of self on the other and conscious enough to take responsibility for our conditioned perceptions and modus operandi (Matthew 7:12: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.”).

We may think we are in a relationship with another but in reality we are in relationship with concepts of the other. So how does one heal negative relationship dynamics? The answer is within and true healing starts therein.

In order to grow as an individual, one must start with the self and be open minded enough to delve into what the concept of relationship is and how it affects every dynamic force one encounters.

Finally, we would like to extend an open invitation to hear your perspective. Inquiring Open Minds want to know. If you have any recommendations for future topics, contact us with any comments at rachel@boropulse.com or jason@boropulse.com or visit theomexchange.wordpress.com.